dailyramblings101

Photo: Engagement cake from one of the groom-to-be “hantaran”s

On Sunday, we drove to Sungai Koyan - which is about an hour’s drive from Raub town in Pahang - with Hubby’s family and relatives attending my brother-in-law’s “majlis bertunang” (engagement party).

Unlike my sister, who only had the Groom-to-be family coming for “merisik” (means something in the line of checking on the bride-to-be’s availability. Actually, risik means spying) without any “majlis bertunang”, my brother-in-law had both the merisik and bertunang ceremony in one go.

In simplistic explanation of a Malay wedding arrangement: the groom-to-be family usually will first come to “merisik”. This is done to confirm that the bride-to-be is indeed available. This practice was due to back in old days, when many of the marriages are arranged. Today, despite the bride and groom-to-be mutually agree to marry, this custom is still in practice. For merisik, the groom-to-be family will present a ring called a “cincin tanda”. This ring is to mark an agreement between the two parties to a marriage.

Next up will be the engagement. There will be a small kenduri (feast) for the engagement party and this time, both the bride and groom-to-be will have “hantaran” (gifts) for each other. The total number of gifts are in odd numbers and the bride-to-be family usually will return the gifts in more numbers than the groom-to-be’s. Example: 7 gifts from groom’s family will be matched by 9 gifts from the bride.

The 7 gifts from the groom, and includes in the hantaran is another ring - the engagement ring.

The return gifts from the bride family. Only 8 can be seen in this photo.

The 7 gifts doesn’t include the “duit hantaran” (dowry) for the bride. The duit hantaran is for the bride’s wedding expenses. The amount has to be agreed by both parties during the “merisik” or “bertunang” ceremony.

The engagement period will also be agreed upon, and a date for the wedding will be set during the ceremony. The date will be consulted with the rest of family members and among the invited respected elders and not only by the bride and groom.

Which comes to the title of this post. Unfortunately, the dates that was set for my brother-in-law’s wedding clashed with my sister’s. They both have June 6th for their wedding dates!

My sis was dismayed with the news and I totally understand her feelings. No one wants to share her wedding day with another family member as it will result in the family split into two. I have to split my time at both her wedding and brother-in-law’s. We are trying to talk to the bride’s family into changing the date. During the “majlis bertunang” the bride side was unrelenting in changing the date but I still have my hopes high. After all, June 6th is fast approaching! Anyway, it’ll be hard for Sis to change her wedding dates, as my little sis is marrying a guy from Sarawak, and flight tickets to Sarawak had all been booked.

Next up (maybe in 3 months time as I’ll need some relevant wedding photos to post here too) - a post about akad nikah (solemnisation of marriage) and bersanding (wedding reception). Also, I might put up a post on the procedures to get married as a Muslim Malay in Malaysia. Do you know that newlyweds need to do a HIV test before their marriage here?

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